The Golden Tickets Announced/Ralph Wiggum the First Winner

(The next morning in a classroom in a school, Ash, Serena, and Pikachu, with Ash and Serena in their daytime clothes again, are seated with their classmates watching their teacher prepare a mixture for their Science class. The teacher is a light blue octopus with yellow eyes, dark red pupils, a proboscis monkey-like nose, and wearing a brown short-sleeved shirt with a collar flap. He is Squidward Tentacles. After placing some jugs on a table, he called out to Ash)

Squidward: Ash Ketchum?

Ash: Yes, Mr. Tentacles?

Squidward: I need an assistant. Come and give me a hand.

(Ash got up from his desk and went up to him at the table)

Squidward: We have here nitric acid, glycerin, and a special mixture of my own. Together, it’s horrible, dangerous stuff that’ll blow you up. But mixed together in the right way, as only I, Squidward Tentacles, know how, what do you think it makes?

Ash: I don’t know, sir.

Squidward: (Snottily) Of course you don’t know. You don’t know because only I know. If you knew and I didn’t know, then you’d be teaching me instead of me teaching you, and for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude. (Seriously) Do I make myself clear?

Ash: Yes, sir.

Squidward: Good.

(The students giggled a bit. Then Ash and Squidward picked up the jugs, ready to pour them in a metal canister)

Squidward: Now, mixed together in the right way, these highly dangerous ingredients make the best wart removers in the world. The trick is to pour them in equal amounts. Now, Ash, you take the nitric acid and the glycerin, and I’ll take my own special mixture. You ready? Pour.

(They pour them into the canister, and it exploded some smoke, making the class cheer a bit)

Ash: Did we do it wrong, Mr. Tentacles?

Squidward: Nope. This is for very big warts.

(Suddenly, they heard excited chattering from outside the classroom)

Squidward: What’s going on out there?

(Then Max came running into the classroom, panting in excitement)

Squidward: Max? What’s happening?

Max: Figment Wonka is opening his factory! He’s gonna let people in.

(Squidward and the class got surprised hearing these news)

Squidward: Are you sure?

Max: Yes! It was on the radio. And he’s giving truckloads of chocolate away.

(Squidward and the class, except an interested Ash, Pikachu, and Serena, got excited)

Squidward: Class dismissed!

(But Max made everyone stop before everyone scattered out)

Max: No, wait! I’m not done yet! He said it’s only for five people.

(Realizing, Squidward and the class stopped)

Squidward: Oh, class undismissed.

Max: And there’s more; He’s hidden five Golden Tickets across the world, and the one person who finds each of them will win the big prize.

Squidward: Are you sure?

Max: Yes!

Squidward: Then where did he hide these Golden Tickets across the world?

Max: Inside Wonka Bars. You gotta buy Wonka Bars to find them. So, come on everyone!

Squidward: Class re-dismissed!

(Then with that, Squidward and the class raced out of the classroom, clamoring in excitement to find those Golden Tickets. Although Ash, Pikachu, and Serena didn’t partake in the race because of one problem; They and their families are broke, and they could only afford a couple of Wonka Bars a month since last year. But other than that, they were interested in the contest, believing that maybe they might possibly find a Golden Ticket in a Wonka Bar they get. Later that day in the search across the world, a news reporter named Kent Brockman is making an announcement on the news as Grace, Serena, Mr. Mime, Pikachu, and the Ketchums watched it on TV at their house)

Kent: (On-screen) And now, details on the sudden announcement that has captured the attention of the world. Hidden among the countless billions of Wonka Bars are five Golden Tickets. And to the five people who find them will get the most fabulous prize one could wish for; A lifetime supply of chocolate. And as if this were not enough, each winner before he or she receives his or her prize will be personally escorted through the top secret chocolate factory by the mythical Figment Wonka himself. The amount of chocolate involved in this competition has relighted the imagination to incite candy eaters and all citizens around the world….

(As Kent continued on the TV, Grace, Serena, and the Ketchums were talking)

Wrinkly: They’re all crazy.

Oak: (Shushes her) The man’s a genius. He’ll sell a million bars.

Serena: Professor Oak, do you think Ash or me got a chance to find one?

Ash: Serena and I feel hopeful.

Oak: (Jokingly) “One?” I’m counting on you to find all five of them.

Ash: (Playing along) One’s enough for me or Serena.

Serena: (Playing along) Yep.

(Around the world as Kent continued his report, a lot of people are packed inside all of the candy stores, buying a lot of Wonka Bars to find the Golden Tickets)

Kent: (On-screen, continuing) Already we have reports coming in that the response is phenomenal. Wonka Bars are beginning to disappear from candy store shelves at a rate to boggle the mind. Truly it is incredible the way that Wonkamania has descended upon the globe. While the world searches, we watch and wait, wondering where the pursuit will lead and how long the spirit of man will hold up under the strain.

(The next night at another part of the world in a psychiatrist building in New York City, New York, a patient named Hofstedder is talking to his psychiatrist about his problems)

Hofstedder: I’m still having these dreams, Doctor. And I still can’t stop myself from believing them.

Doctor: I’ve told you, Hofstedder. To believe in one’s dreams is a manisfestation of insanity. And the sooner you accept this, the sooner you will get well.

Hofstedder: But I dreamed that the archangel appeared and whispered into my ear and told me where to find a Golden Wonka Ticket.

Doctor: And what exactly did he say?

Hofstedder: Well, what difference would that make? This was a dream, a fantasy. I mean, you just said….

Doctor: Shut up, Hofstedder, and tell me where the ticket is!

(The next day at the news studio back in Munich, Kent made a new announcement involving the contest)

Kent: We began with five Golden Tickets, like five lucky bolts of lightning ready to strike without notice at any point on the map. No one knew where, no one knew when the first one would hit. But as you all know, while we, in America, have slept, the first Golden Ticket was found in the small town of Dusselheim, Germany. We’ve been waiting several hours for the follow-up story, and we’re finally ready with a live report.

(Then in a restaurant in Dusselheim, Germany, a German reporter is announcing the first winner)

German reporter: Proud we are, for the attention of the entire world focuses today right here in Dusselheim, a community suddenly thrust into prominence by the unexpected discovery of the first Wonka Golden Ticket. Its lucky finder is the son of our most prominent parve butcher and police chief. The boy’s name? Ralph Wiggum.

''(He and the reporters went to a nearby table to present the first winner, and sitting at the table, enjoying their lunch is a boy and his parents. The boy is a chubby 8 year old boy with yellow skin, several strands of black hair, and wearing a light blue long-sleeved shirt, a dark gray belt with a red orange buckle, beige pants, and dark gray shoes. He is Ralph Wiggum, the said winner of the first Golden Ticket. His mother is a plump woman with yellow skin, short blue gray chin-length hair, and wearing pink lipstick, a salmon pink sleeveless dress over a pale blue long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and red high-heeled shoes. She is Mrs. Wiggum. And his father is a fat man with yellow skin, short curly blue hair, and wearing a blue police hat with gold yellow lining, a black bill, and a gold badge on the front, a black necktie, a blue long-sleeved shirt with yellow shoulder pads and gold yellow cuff links, a black belt with a gold buckle, blue pants, and black shoes. He is Chief Clancy Wiggum. And among the reporters is a short dark gray furred bat with a somewhat crippled left wing, yellow eyes, red eyebags around the eyes, and wearing a purple turtleneck tanktop, a violet and light violet striped scarf around his neck, black pants, a gray shoe on his left foot, a brown wooden peg leg in place of his right foot, and sometimes wore a black newsboy cap)''

German reporter: Ralph Wiggum, the pride of Dusselheim, the fame of Western Germany, an example for the whole world.

(Then they began their interview)

German reporter: Ralph, how does it make you feel to be the first Golden Ticket finder?

Ralph: Hungry.

German reporter: Any other feelings?

Ralph: I feel sorry for Mr. Figment Wonka. It’s gonna cost him a fortune in fudge. And it’s delicious.

German reporter: Chief Wiggum, would you mind saying…?

(But Wiggum bites the head of the microphone as he ate. Then he pulled it out and discarded it)

Wiggum: Just proud of him is all.

(Then the interview resumed)

German reporter: Mrs. Wiggum, would you care to say a few words to the television audience?

Mrs. Wiggum: I just knew Ralph would find a Golden Ticket. Eating is his hobby, you know. We encourage him. He wouldn’t do it unless he needed the nourishment, would he? Anyway, it’s all vitamins.

(During her speech, the mysterious bat went up to Ralph and whispered in his ear and Ralph listened quietly while he continued eating, but we don’t hear what the mysterious bat’s saying unfortunately)

'Coming up: Grace, Serena, Mr. Mime, Pikachu, and the Ketchums celebrate Ash’s birthday, giving him a yarn-knitted scarf and a Wonka Bar, believing it might contain a Golden Ticket, but it doesn’t. At the same time, a certain spoiled bratty girl will end up becoming the second Golden Ticket winner.'